The Wicked Queen Smerkel and the Two Boys from Athena.
Once upon a time there was a wicked Queen called Smerkel.
She was very clever and very powerful and ruled over an Empire known as
Euroland. Queen Smerkel had a friend call Christine Le Gard du Nord who was
incredibly rich. In fact Christine was so rich she had more money than could be
ever be imagined. It was said she had so much money the people gave her a
title, the ‘Head of the IMF’. (The infinite money fund). Christine kept all her
money in a large pit that was so big it apparently had no bottom. Every week
she had her hair done and it shone like silver. Some said it was actually
threaded with real silver, it shone so brightly.
Now Queen Smerkel had a weakness; Free lunches. She loved
free lunches. She loved them so much she would invite Christine and her posh
friends from all over Euroland, to come and have Free lunches at every
opportunity. Of course to keep the people happy she would say that the Free
Lunch was for a reason. For example once she said it was to discuss something
called ‘Ukraine’, and on another occasion something called ‘Climate Change’. It
always worked because Smerkel realised that, if after the lunch, she issued
something called a statement that said; ‘
We are dedicated to doing something about it.’ , everything would be fine.
Christine also had a weakness.
She was mean. She was so mean, that even though she had a bottomless pit of
money, she once leant the poor people of HELLenic Land (which actually is more
like Heaven Land) so much money, at such a high rate of interest, that they could
never ever hope to pay it back. So when Smerkel said to Christine ‘ We are
having a problem getting money for the Free Lunches as, quite rightly, some of
the people have spotted we are ripping them off.’ Christine said, ‘Don’t worry
I’ll get your money. I know of a group of people in HELLenic Land (which
actually is more like Heaven Land), who haven’t worked for years and get money
every week for doing nothing. It’s called a pension. They are mostly Little Old
Ladies dressed in black and they spend it on ridiculous things like food and Grand
Children. Not on sensible things like Silver Hair doos. It’s easy, we just get
the people of HELLenic Land (which actually is more like Heaven Land) to take
some of the old ladies’ money and give it to us and then the Free Lunches are a
given.’
At the same time, unfortunately
for Christine, in HELLenic Land (which actually is more like Heaven Land), in a
place called Athena, lived two boys called ‘Sipi Dipi Do Da’ and ‘Far From
Crackers’. Sipi Dipi was always smiling and Far From Crackers was very clever,
especially with money. The two boys were very popular with the people of HELLenic
Land (which actually is more like Heaven Land) and when the Little Old Ladies
heard about Christine’s plan they said to the two boys, ‘You two go to Smerkel
and tell her we are not giving her our money and she can stick her Free Lunches
down Christine’s bottomless pit.’
So Sipi Dipi and Far From
Crackers went off to Euroland. They were greeted by Queen Smerkel and Christine
who gave them lots of Free Lunches and said ‘If you give us the money from the
Little Old Ladies you two can have Free Lunches, for ever.’ Sipi Dipi was very impressed but couldn’t understand
why suddenly he couldn’t smile. Then Smerkel took Far From Crackers to one side
and said. ‘If you don’t play ball we will take away your motorbike.’ Now Far From Crackers loved his motorbike and
immediately phoned the Little Old Ladies and told then what Smerkel had said. ‘
Don’t worry, said the littlest and oldest of the Little Old Ladies, we have spoken
to your Uncle in Ruskiland, the very wise Ras Putin, and he says he will get you a new
motorbike and enough fuel to run it for a lifetime.’
When Far from Crackers told Sipi
Dip he immediately started smiling again. So both boys told Smerkel and
Christine that much though they would like to have Free Lunches for ever they
owed it to the Little Old Ladies to say no. Smerkel was furious, as was Christine.
In fact they were so furious they issued a statement that didn’t say they were ‘dedicated
to doing something about it.’ In fact it said ‘ There is a lot of work to be
done.’ This was unheard of, as everyone knew they never did any work anyway. So
who was going to do it?
So, did the tale end happily ever
after? Well, as they say in all the best American Mini Series…..’To be
continued…..’